Where things are at now

So, I have a hard time knowing where my limits are, even after dealing with this for years now.  I always want to push myself.  Thats just the kind of person that I am.  I always want to do more, see more, be better and push the limits.  This is probably from growing up with parents who let me push things.  They never told me no, you can't climb that tree, or no, don't swim that far.  So, when you have a part of your body that does not allow you to do these things anymore, I get beyond frustrated.  Its a hard mental game that I feel I always have to play with myself.  I would LOVE to go running with my dog on the beautiful trails that we have in our backyard.  BUT logically I know that even if I could go running, it wouldn't be for long and I would probably end up crawling back home because my hip stopped working.  SO...I am left with limited options.  Even going to the store alone causes fears of at any moment my hip will catch just right and the pain will be so intense that I can't move.

So this past week I went to the gym to lift some weights to help my upper body strength.  I want to make this part of a weekly routine to help gain as much upper body strength as possible before surgery.  Using crutches is exhausting on the upper body so hopefully some pre-crutch upper body work outs will help.  As well, I decided to be happy and not loose my mind while waiting for surgery (which is April 18th if I have not mentioned that yet) I needed to find an activity that will be rewarding mentally, so I decided to start sewing.  I have never sewn anything in my life, well except for that stray button here or there, so it should be an interesting experience.  Just today I finally got my sewing machine working, so I am very excited to try it out and make my first quilt.  Its easy to get discouraged when you so badly want to participate in the activities that you normally would but cannot due to an injury, but not just any injury, one that has turned into a chronic pain situation.

Mostly I spend a lot of my time inside, sitting in my recliner, icing or heating my hip(s).  The first time a doctor called my hip a chronic injury I was taken a back a little.  I did not re-injure it at any point.  I did not do anything I was not suppose to, I was told that after both of my surgeries I would be able to do any activity that I wanted without any restrictions.  So by no fault of my own I was not thrown into the category of 'chronic pain management'.  This means that I have to go to a pain clinic to help control the pain until surgery.  I feel lucky that I found a good pain clinic that is willing to help me control my pain.  They also have a lot better understanding of how to control pain, whereas my primary care physician only knew of limited ways to help.  So currently I am on a few different medicines that are to help never pain and help me sleep.  For the most part they work pretty well at controlling the day to day pain.  If I push it as all, like a few days ago I ran in spurts while playing with the dog, I am in a lot of pain that requires me to take stronger pain killers.

Well, anyways, I have blabbed on long enough for today.  I am going to start on my quilt!  Thanks for reading!